[ WARNING THIS IS REALLY LONG]
Yikes, I was kinda dreading day 10 since I really didnt want to divulge about any of my relationships. I guess if you think about it, it doesnt mean a bf/gf relationship, it could be any relationship but I guess the easiest would be the obvious...ugggggh. Let me choose wisely because the bf reads my blog..lol jk he knows everything but Im sure doesnt want to read about it...totally understandable.
Okay here we go...
The Ex.....husband -
We met when I was 15 and he was 19, I had never dated anyone and had barely kissed for the first time. Funny enough I met him through a friend and became his girlfriend without knowing what he looked like..yeah I was young lol. My friend at the time was dating his cousin and introduced me over the phone one night when she was hanging out at my house. I was just excited to talk to a guy, again, yes, I was that young lol. We talked for like a couple days literally over the phone and then he asked me to be his girlfriend. Me the boy crazy 15 year old automatically was happy someone liked me so I said "yes".
The first time I actually met him was at my house, his older brother dropped me off and I thought he was FIIIIIIIINE..(who even says that these days?) of course being fine came with a price because he turned out to be a MAJOR FOB. Buff, long thick Samoan hair, miss matched clothes, and a gold short feather earring in one ear.. YIKES wth?!? Our first encounter was cool, we were both shy, so he play kicked me in the butt as his hello..how sweet..*gag*.
Fast forward and now I am 16/17 (a junior in hs) and by then Ive spent EVERY weekend in Long Beach with him, I am soo in love and happy..until I...
1. Got into a fist fight with another girl who was my friend, over him because he cheated on me with her (Im sparing the details, we dont have all day) * just so Im not excluding anything, I cheated once also when I was 15 right before he cheated..lol but never ever in my life since then, in any relationship)
2. Found a RECENT picture of him and his ex girlfriend in his wallet (yes I snooped while he was napping on the bed) and he gave me the lamest, most retarded story as to why they went and took pictures while we were together...*gag* me for even staying still at that point. Again, I was young...and thought I was in love.
Fast forward to about 18/19 years old. By now he had joined the Navy, he was 21 and I was 17. Ive realized he is a cheater and yet, I still stayed. Now I...
1. Get a phone call on my answering machine from a girl who tells me that her and him are boyfriend and girlfriend and knew we were together but just wanted to let me know... WOW : -/ Im trying to assume this is a big joke but Im crushed and start balling but not as much until I find out this....
He lets the girl call me and tell me how they have been seeing each other and he hates me and cant stand me but wanted to make sure that we werent together before they took it "further". All of a sudden someone else picks up the phone and its him, in the other room at her house telling me that he doesnt love me anymore and wants to be with her to see if things will work between the two. He tells me we fight too much and he doesnt want to be with me anymore. Im balling sooo much at this point telling him he will regret this and he agrees that he probably will..again...WOW :-/
At this point I feel my life is over but of course I was a teenager and everything is the end of the world right?? ha ha. I get a call the next morning at like 5am from him asking me to drive alllll the way down to San Diego (thats where he was stationed) so we could talk. My dumb ass drove...why me? My eyes are swollen the size of golf balls from the night before and he apologizes for what he said and did. It was the first and last time I had ever seen him cry and I took him back... *shoot me*
Meanwhile, we are trying to mend the relationship but still he talks to that one girl and she calls the ship for him. You know one of the worst things is calling for your guy and the person on the other end taking the message asks if you are some other girl...WOW :-/
Fast forward to October of '99 and I find out Im pregnant. I was excited and at first he was...well I dont know what he was but it didnt feel like excitement but he later played it off that he was. Who knows *shrugs*. We had always planned on marrying in 2005 when I would be 25 but since I was pregnant and he was going to go overseas for 6 months, we married in 2000, 4 months before I gave birth. The relationship up until then wasnt good, it never really was and I knew it but what I thought was love for him, was just a habit of being with someone for so long and having someone "love" me back. Ive always had a temper and we fought, but mainly because he couldnt stop cheating. He told me I was fat and needed to lose weight and that no one else would ever love me. I was young so I believed him. I thought once we married he wouldnt cheat, especially since I was pregnant. Im stupid, I know. My estranged dad and my aunt made it to my wedding and it was my first time seeing my dad since I was 1. He gave me away, and I was happy. 5 months pregnant I was very emotional...okay kinda bitchy while I was getting ready. I had dreamed of this day. As I was walking down the aisle of the chapel, I see my guy wearing sunglasses to get married...he doesnt even look at me or smile at me as I approach him. I want to cry. We are wed and as we go downstairs to hug and kiss with our family and friends, he leaves me to sit with his boys and hang out. I wasnt going to be introduced to them so I introduced myself. At the reception my dad wanted to see me hula so I danced in front of everyone for him and my husband. The husband sat behind me drinking with his Navy buddies instead of watching, oh well. Driving my dad and aunt to the airport I began to cry because I was saying goodbye to a father that was never there but was there for an important day in my life. I was going to miss him, so my loving husband decided to make fun of me crying and told me that he was never there for me so why am I crying and that I look stupid. Yay me.
My entire pregnancy I was alone, he was there on the weekends with me, Id drive Friday night to San Diego to pick him up and drive right back, then drop him off on Sunday night in San Diego and drive right back. I could probably count on 1 hand the times he rubbed my belly or talked to Jordyn while I was pregnant. He thought it was stupid to talk to my belly, told me that Im lazy because I wanted to sleep and rest, expected me to cook and clean while he watched football, he was....himself, selfish and arrogant.
I gave birth and he wasnt there, he was in Japan. That was really hard for me. His family came to the hospital which was nice but I still felt alone. He didnt get to come home until she was 6 weeks old. After that we drifted apart, he didnt want to come near me because he thought I was too fat, even though I just had a baby. He rarely changed a diaper, never got up in the middle of the night, never bathed her, rarely dressed her, sometimes fed her, but 100% of the time wanted to prancer her around to show her off and to act like he was a great dad in front of his family.
I had always heard about my husband and his friend, his cousin, and this other woman who they hung out with in the Navy. He talked about her as if she was like a sister and how the boys would help protect her from bullshit drama. She was also married at the time.
It is now July 2001 and its Jordyn's 1st birthday. I went all out, I did it big and spent about a grand doing it. My friends and family helped me, he did not. He didnt even shower for her party and showed up in basketball clothes from playing in the morning. He sure liked taking credit for the party and showed her off the whole time. Didnt lift a finger to help with the party, but I guess Im stupid to have expected him to. He told me his friends from the Navy whom I had met before were coming. They didnt, but who did show up was his girl "friend" he always talked about. She showed up with her 2 kids. My husband spent the entire party standing with her and making sure she was okay. My friends came up to me asking wtf was up with that and I said she was a friend but in my heart, it felt wrong. I was introduced to her and she brought Jordyn a gift. He still stayed with her until she left.
Around Jo's 1st birthday we had said we were going to separate so he could get better, those were his exact words, "so I can get better". He just stopped loving me and I knew it. I knew it at the party. We fought and I begged and pleaded with him to not leave me half the time but it didnt work. He acted as if he was a stranger to me and couldnt come close to me, you couldnt pay him to. When he'd stay the night to spend time with Jo, he slept as far away as he could, thats what it felt like. His family would tell me I was fat, and he wouldnt say anything. When we were out in public, sometimes he wouldnt introduce me and if he did he just introduced me as Shamika, not his wife.
We were separated longer than the inital month we were supposed to be. He never got better, he didnt even try, he just got more hurtful and emotionally abusive. I knew he was being with someone else, I just didnt know who. I soon found out when my then 2 year old would come home from her dad's and told me that his girl "friend" that I knew about, I wont use her name, had a baby in her tummy. Around that same time I found out that he took her, pregnant and all to stay and visit with his Nor Cal family. Took her up as his girlfriend knowing that we were still married and thats what his family still thought, they didnt know we took a break to work things out. It had been a while and I had went on a date or two but only because the husband wouldnt come back to me and because he made it perfectly clear that he was over me but managed to give me shreds of hope here and there, telling me how he would never have a baby with anyone else and that I will always be his first and only love. Well...he was having another baby, and if the family didnt know we had separated, they sure got a rude awakening seeing his "girlfriend" pregnant, with her 2 kids up there visiting, WITH my daughter. He lied about her being pregnant, saying that Jordyn is just a kid and kids lie.
As Ive gotten older I had always blamed "her" as a homewrecker and taking my husband, leaving hers to be with mine. Now Im not so sure how it all went down. My ex lies and when I say lies I mean he lies A LOT, to this day. Stories were never straight. I found out that he told "her" that we were divorced when we werent and from other things that happened Im assuming she thought we were done and decided to get with him. I dont know the truth anymore, all I know is that my husband was supposed to try and be better for me, for us and instead knocked up his "girlfriend" while we were still married. I was devastated no matter how hard I tried to move on, I tried to date, but I wasnt over him, I still was married and wanted to be married but only until he had another baby. Maybe that was the wakeup call it was over, that he was done with me. I was in depression, my heart ached and every time Id visit his family (we were close) it just so happened "she" would be there or "they" would be there with their new baby. I had to stand and watch as the family "ooohed" over the baby, passing him off to each other playing with him while I stood there watching. No one cared how it affected me to see them do that in front of me, they never cared. I cried and ran out.
Now they are married and we are divorced. I hated both of them for years, it actually took about 5-6 years to get over it all, I had to hate him with every ounce of my soul to get through it. Her and I argued in the early stages of their relationship, one time she called me when they argued and tell me I could have him (I did NOT want him after all that). She got upset that I was even in his car when he came to visit Jo. For years I tried to make him understand the pain he caused me, but he never cared enough to feel bad. After many years I was able to get over him because I hated him and because he finally apologized out of no where for everything he did to hurt me. It wasnt how I wanted him to say it, he didnt feel as bad as I thought he should but I knew that was all I was ever gonna get from him about it, so I had to accept it. I needed the closure.
We are civil, I get along better with his wife than I do him. For years he wanted her and I to get along and now that we have for a few years, He's still a jackass and cares only about himself. He treats me as if I am nothing half the time and then he's friendly the other 5% of the time. His wife is really good to Jordyn and Im happy and thankful for that. She and her mother have been so welcoming and considerate to me and of my ill feelings towards her husband..lol.
So this tragic story ends with everyone getting along and me finally over the past hurt. Well Ive been over it for years now but he will always irritate me to no end..lol. He lives to upset me I feel...lol. What are ya gonna do?
This was an extremely long blog post so if you stuck with me through it all, *HI FIVE*, if not...you suck!
Love you guys!
Day 01: A Recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself
Day 02: A picture of something you cannot live without
Day 03: A habit that you wish you didnt have
Day 04: List 15 songs that represent your life's soundtrack
Day 05: A picture of somewhere you've been to
Day 06: A hobby you have
Day 07: A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you
Day 08: Short term goals for this month and why
Day 09: Something/someone you're proud of
Day 10: A story about a past relationship
Day 11: A picture of something you dislike
Day 12: A picture of your room & dont cheat by cleaning it. Share a secret.
Day 13: Write a letter telling someone something you could never tell them
Day 14: A picture of something you ate and 10 confessions
Day 15: Put your iPod on shuffle & share the first 10 songs that play
Day 16: Something you could live without
Day 17: Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why
Day 18: Plans/dreams/goals you have
Day 19: Nicknames you have & how or why you have them
Day 20: If you had 3 wishes, what would they be.
Day 21: Share a picture from your day
Day 22: What makes you different from everyone else
Day 23: What is something you crave
Day 24: Share a story about your past that you are ashamed of
Day 25: What I would find in your bag
Day 26: Places you want to visit before you die
Day 27: Why are you doing this 30 day challenge?
Day 28: A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then
Day 29: In the past month, what have you learned
Day 30: A picture of you today & 20 goals you want to accomplish
