Betcha didnt know....

I used to do makeup videos on YouTube! Yeah I dont anymore but I used to be obsessed with the whole beauty community on YouTube and watched makeup vids all day, well kinda still do. If you're not into the whole beauty scene this post wont be for ya but I just watched one of my old videos I did almost 2 years ago when I first started getting into makeup and was like.."im funny" ha ha ha. I do makeup better now but its still fun to watch when I first started up....yay for having no shame and video taping myself for your viewing pleasure! Ive been contemplating starting back up with the videos but I have no patience for uploading and editing movies...GAH! What do you think?

Buzzzzz....

Now I dont want you to think that I enjoy blogging about bathrooms or for that matter that thats all I think about. It just so happens, I have one more bathroom story to tell you.

Okay so this morning I went to the bathrooms on my floor, the stalls were all taken and I wasnt about to tinkle in my pants so I made my way to the 'Mi Vida Loca' bathrooms on the 4th floor. I open the door to find one stall occupied, no biggie. So I hear this buzzing sound and its pretty loud. There is still some occasional construction going on at the airport so I figured maybe someones building something? I dunno. Im in my stall putting the seat cover down and Im looking up at the ceiling thinking the buzzing is coming from the air duct. NOPE! I was like...wait...it cant be. The damn buzzing sound was coming from the stall next to me. Now Im no perv and my mind is not in the gutter but come on, if you were in a bathroom and you hear a buzzing coming from a stall would you or would you not automatically think...VIBRATOR!?!?!?! Okay maybe its just me. I was like WTF!?!? are you serious? at work? and you know damn well you heard me come into the bathroom...NO SHAME! I tinkled, all I heard was buzzing until I heard her fumbling for some toilet paper. I was like *gag* this broad better not be...handling her business right next to me. I flush and go wash my hands, stalling long enough to see who comes out and with what. So this girl comes out with a bag and a smile on her face like, "HI!" and I smiled and was like...whoa!

WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT BUZZING!! I NEED TO KNOW!!!! Its bugging me and I know damn well she wasnt being MacGyver up in there building some kind of something...

Man...its really making me think..I must find this woman and ask her, my question needs answering! ha ha ha

MUFFIN TOP, hold the top please!

Here goes another attempt to lose weight. Whats a shame is that I know where this is heading, before I even start. So if you havent noticed in the side bar that Im reading "The Biggest Loser 6 Weeks to a Healthier You" well now you know. Ive noticed that with me, my 'need' to get healthy is greater than my 'want' and because of that, I FAIL MISERABLY AT EVERY ATTEMPT TO LOSE WEIGHT.

I have been big my whole life, not as big as I am now but most of my life Ive been 'thick' and there is only so many pounds past 'thick' in which I can con myself into thinking Im still....'thick'. The "F" word is horrible to hear but the truth hurts...I am now...fat. My goal is to lose major weight so that I can be happier and most of all healthier. My weight plays a very crucial role in how Jordyn sees herself also. She's always been 'thick' and I know all too well how it feels to be the big girl in elementary school. Luckily she doesnt really get teased but she has absolutely no confidence in herself and is far too scared to stand up for herself no matter what the situation. How are we even related?!?!?! jk. Ive taught her to be strong her whole life and when she was younger she was a tough little cookie, now as a 9yr old she has forgotten everything I've raised her with and she's more insecure now than ever. Its to be expected, she's a growing girl. I make sure that I tell her that I dont want her to be big like me when she gets older, its really not easy at all, no matter what age you are. So, I have to be better, for her.

I try to get Bruce (the bf) on board too but, I dont have much luck with him and Ive noticed that if he isnt all in, I tend to lose the fight of losing weight too. We are all connected and all 3 of us need a major change. If we arent trying as a family, we fail as a family. We pay for gym memberships that we dont even use, Bruce has an opportunity to do Kettle Bells with a friend to help him out and he doesnt go, Jordyn now doesnt even want to go to softball practices, she just wants to play in games. If you couldnt tell, we've become beyond LAZY and its killing us. You know what really sucks? I envision many things for us as a family but we are always so broke that we cant even afford healthier things to eat and the food plays a MAJOR part in this journey. We've gotta make something work and NOW. I found out in July that I have diabetes and shortly after found out that my dad has had it for a while. I should have taken better care of myself even though my chance of having it because he did was high, if I knew he had it maybe I would've done something so it would never have showed up. Bruce has gout and Jordyn is pre-diabetic.

Where is our will power, where is our motivation? We've lost it and we cant get up...LITERALLY! lol ok jokes aside, we're a bunch of fatties (minus Jo, she's just my lil chunky monkey) and we need to lose this, LIKE YESTERDAY! I'll keep you guys updated on my progress, wait...OUR PROGRESS and hopefully we wont dissapoint you, especially ourselves.

I would post my starting weight but then I dont think I could blog and look at you in the face when I see you..lol. You might think I should be playing for the 49ers lol. Hey, bigger might not always be better but this hefty piece of lovin is still beautiful....you and I both know that...lol!

Gotta love me!

I get annoyed easily.

I get mad easily.

I have little to no patience.

I CAN BE LAZY but get frustrated when others are.

I have to have the last word.

When we 'play' wrestle, im not playing.

Im very competitive, even over the smallest things.

I hate repeating myself.

The speed limits are too slow.

I enjoy speaking like Borat, its funny, ALL THE TIME.

I have anger issues and NO I will not go to anger management.

Mildew, lime/calcium deposits, and gunk all make me gag.

I love the smell of rubbing alcohol.

I dont like talking on the phone, please dont call me to say hello. Im fine.

If you call me, 50% of the time I will not answer and then text you back to see what you want.

I DO NOT answer my house phone, I will let it ring and ring while sitting next to it. If you need me, call my cell.

We all have muffin tops but I really dont want to see yours, nor do you want to see mine. Please refrain.

I am happily divorced.

I cannot enjoy my food unless Im at a table.

If I have to rush getting ready, Im already pissed.

I can speak in front of a large group of people but dont like to walk in front of them.

I LOVE FOOD, hence the muffin top.

I LOVE MAKEUP and anything beauty related.

I want to travel to all 50 states, 5 down, 45 to go.

I love amusement parks but havent really gone in years because my big ass doesnt fit in the good rides. I took Jordyn to Knotts and was able to go on 2 rides :(.

I believe I can kick your ass.

I hate not having a father.

I LOVE being a mother.

I am opinionated...pfft who isnt?

I f*cking cuss wayyyy tooo much.

My blogs are tending to be really long, who the f*ck cares!

If friends dont keep in contact over the years, they are acquaintances.

I am a GREAT friend.

Ive never really been single.

I dont think my Samoan side even knows who I am.

Softball is everything.

I envision Jordyn making it to NCAA Women's College World Series 2019-2022.

I hate it when coaches dont coach.

I hate men who wear Fahrenheit cologne.

Im extremely organized.

FOBS are annoying yet very entertaining.

 I havent bought myself any clothes or shoes in almost a year.

I hate people who hover over me at my desk.

I never get any sleep.

I LOVE LOVE THE BIGGEST LOSER.

My daughter farts a lot, I dont think its normal.

Gotta love me!

Mayonnaise....it makes the world go 'round

As if the title of this post doesnt ultimately push me into heffalump status, I will also provide pictures..lol. Consider this a Public Service Announcement which I am NOT getting paid for but will gladly accept payment in forms of anything edible..WOW..did I really just write that?!?!? Aunt Flow MUST be on her way cuz thats RIDONCULOUS!

Here is a quick overview of the awesomeness that is MAYONNAISE! Putting it in your typical foods is a given but the real winner of this story is how mayonnaise was meant for rice. Oh yes people...RICE! Case in point, my bff being as Asian as she possibly can was mortified when she first found out our household uses mayo aka may may (as Jordyn used to call it) on rice. Dont tell an Asian that, they might shart mochi balls! For years she was like, "thats f*cking disgusting, thats wrong!" until........I did my jedi mind trick on her and ALAS...the Asian eats may may on her RICE!! Shhhh dont tell Kathy I said so! The world makes perfect sense now that we've converted a non believer..please note...ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT! Here are some photos of my beliefs....

Totally made for my convenience..cute little packets for the ON THE GO mom..lol

Tired of all the hard work of opening a bottle and scooping some out? Fret no more, now you can squeeze your arteries away with this easy to use bottle! YES..my prayers have been answered!

Will you marry me?

I bid you adieu!

Blah blah blah blah

Today sucks and when I say suck I mean it SUUUUUUUUUUUCKS (in my deep cold sniffly manly sounding voice) and the worst part is that its lasting forever. On a happier note, I have exceeded my 1 follower/reader that I mentioned in my first post. Harriet and her 10 cats had no chance cuz now I have 4 readers and IM POPULAR! If you're jealous right about now, you should be because Im 1 reader away from being a star on Maury Povich.

You know what else sucks, since we are on the topic? And excuse me if this is TMI for you people but I really hate it when I go to a public bathroom, and there is wet drops in front of the seat! Umm...what?!?! Yes, WETNESS of unkown origin in front of the toilet! So thats what its like for me at work. I always and when I say always I aint playin..I ALWAYS use the big handicap bathrooms because why? because its luxurious! ha ha its the I just dont like using a stall I have to straddle the seat to open the door to, maybe its just me. Anyhoo so there are only 2 stalls on my floor so when those look questionable (which those are the "nice" bathrooms) then I go to the floor below me to use those. Well, I have no idea why I even try anymore going down to the 4th floor because those frickin bathrooms look like something out of Mi Vida Loca with all these frickin gang scratch signs and "monica was here" kinda sh*t. Aside from all the wannabe gang scratchings on the doors because obviously their job doesnt pay enough for paper and pencil, the doors dont even lock. How much time do you need to spend in the crapper that you have sooo much time to be an artist with your bathroom keys on the doors?!?!? So back to the 5th floor i go, kicking myself because I knew better. Do I hold it and hope the cleaning lady has made her rounds to clean up the "wetness"? YES..that is exactly what I do...

Making my long walk back to the office I have now realized that Im 2 seconds away from a bladder infection for holding my pee...*thinks to myself: "must...hurry.......NOW"* So Im back in the bathroom, the cleaning lady has not made her rounds in the 1 minute I was away, so...

STEP OVER...SQUAT....RELEASE.....

Ahhhhh, today still sucks!

A Last Minute Trip to the Bay

So anyone who knows me knows that I LOVE THE BAY! Don't fret my pets, I got love for LA too..just not so much anymore. I guess its the 30 years Ive spent down here and I'm totally over it, well, most of it.

This past weekend Jordyn and I took a last minute trip up to Oakland/Napa. Can I first start by saying that I HATE road trips and as if it wasn't bad enough having to drive 6 hours into boredom, we drove up in a sardine can that literally was NOT made for Samoans. If you can picture it, a small little Asian girl (my BFF), my little big mama (Jordyn), and then a woman on her way to heffalump status (that would be me) all squeezed into a....wait for it.......A VW RABBIT! WTF!?!?! The car was surprisingly spacious but that's besides the point because we had to squeeze all of this lovin, into what seemed to resemble a black compact mirror with wheels. I didn't drive, THANK YOU JESUS, Kathy did (the BFF).


The purpose of our trip was to visit my godparents and bring all of our love and support to help out with my godfather's fundraiser luau. To bring you up to speed, my godfather who I prefer to call Uncle because its shorter and that's just how I roll...has been diagnosed with MSA (Multiple System Atrophy). In short, its an incurable degenerative disease that affects the nervous system. My uncle (godfather...stay with me) is such a strong and loving man. He is the closest thing I have ever had to a father and Id like to consider myself my aunt and uncle's practice daughter before the actual daughter, my cousin (god sister) was born. My uncle Tino is soo well known and loved in the community and the family put on this GINORMOUS fundraiser luau to raise $25,000 to pay for my aunt, uncle, and his sister to fly to Germany for a stem cell procedure that would hopefully, god willing, prolong his life. It was as if the entire city was there, loving him, supporting him, enjoying life with him. I think it was like 300 tickets sold and man, the place was packed. He loved every minute of it and I was in awe at how one man has touched so many different people, in all walks of life.


The luau was a total success with a celebrity in the house, Samson Satele from the Raiders, a trip to stay in a condo in Maui, wine raffles, and a silent auction. Not only did the fundraiser raise enough money but a few thousand more! Now if that's not God working in his divine way, I don't know what is. The money is more than enough to cover their trip and surgery and I'm looking forward to seeing them all when they return.


So we were there, and then we weren't there. Totally gone with the blink of an eye. No sleep, my feet were barkin, sweating like a whore in a confessional, and all with a smile on my face and love in my heart. I LOVE MY FAMILY, even if we aren't blood related...WE ARE FAMILY and I will do anything for them. On another note: the drive home was like driving through hell in a hand basket and I hated every second of it. Thankful for the friends and family I have in my life and for those that truly mean the world to me, so with that...I leave you with another gold nugget:

SILENCE IS GOLDEN, BUT DUCK TAPE IS SILVER

Real Daughter, Practice Daughter, UNCLE TINO

Jaime, ME, Aunty Lynn

The setup

My godparents aka Uncle Tino & Aunty Lynn

My twin and I

Got Pork?

The BFF Kathy and I (already sweating like a whore in a confessional)

Serving up some mac salad (Jordyn and Ashley)

Me and my baby love

Our last meal together before heading out

For more pictures check out my Facebook

I bid you adieu ~

Hello, my name is ....

I can't even breathe as I'm typing this so if this first post is a complete fail, it's due to lack of oxygen to my brain. Thumbs up for blogging for the first time because the movie Julie & Julia inspired me to, well that and a handful of other fun bloggers I know. As you follow me on this thing, I mean I hope you'll follow me. I can't imagine blogging and blogging and blogging only to find that my 1 and only follower is a lady named Harriet with 10 cats. That would be a MAJOR fail!

With this blog you'll come to realize a lot about me that maybe even my close friends wouldn't have otherwise known. I have issues, MAJOR issues and when I grow the gonads to actually write about the juicy stuff, maybe Harriet will share this with her gal pals when she plays bridge on Friday nights. Anything is possible.

So for starters....

HELLO, My name is ...... Shamika

and as I inappropriately blog from a place I'm not supposed to, hoping I don't get caught in between toggling screens as if I'm really working on a spreadsheet....I leave you with this gold nugget...

"A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry"

WELCOME TO MY BLOG!!

I bid you adieu...